mmm

such a worthless wealth is pride; some say it is more than the greatest of powers and glorifies all that defines who we are. where there are no people: such a worthless weight on your shoulder. i am not depressed with my mistakes, nor satisfied from my splendors where others have none. many a days i am emotionless, lost, void to the reality that words can be spoken and contracted by others' ears in several forms than one means. i will wake each morning the same person, in any different place and have the same things to say until the day i do not wake, until i am riding the raft through the gates and paying my fee for each of my sins. i am one person with many minds on one thought. when will i think of others? i have thought endlessly about them and continue to the same direction i had once arrived. i will continue to think of you as our skin decays, the flesh is torn, the hair straying, mind numbing, sight thinning, hearing diminished, as i think of you while we are healthy and steady to the pace of our heartbeats breathing. those who love me will be loved, and remembered. those who hide beneath the cruelty and neglected innocence will be loved. and forgotten. dive in and taste life.

~Alex

i wanna reach for something that isnt there.
grasp an expanding everlasting sky,
til the stars and space are mine.

have a glimpse at the irretainable,
create a fantasy that overrides simplicity;
take a shot at humanity...impurity.

~Alex

discrete as a sunset, withering behind you out of light: into the darkness; shrouded.
hasnt the past been warning enough that happiness has become an annual fee.
or should we continue believing that the barricade holding us will weaken.

what kind of a world do we live in these days.
one not to care for another til some dormant disease inside him makes him sick.
we worship the day and night like the coming of freedom,
yet each morning and each night the same punishment relentlessly controls us.
the morning holds a promise of some sort of work,
the night forces many to sleep, others to drool over their pillows, hungry for the denied privilage.

the humor i find in this reveals my own sick pleasure to remain awake. my mind and body ache as i roll out of bed, while something pushes me to move. i am eternally searching for what it may be that drives me to speak, to project a sound as those around me may hear nothing. the ones around me; who are they, and how do i know them; we have met before im sure, but today i do not recognize them. they stare as if they belong near me, and insist on calling me to their arms when help is needed, but retort to me once i need help. so many questions, can there possibally be answers to all of them...

I awoke to a shifting cry beneath my floor boards. It was the landlord, or landlady for a better choice of words, whose husband had passed away. During the night at some point i could assume, since i had spoken to him late in the evening the day before. Some may simply call it old age, considering he was nearing his 76th year, I'll call it luck.

Thick white layers of frost covered the grass and early bloomers this morning, it must be too cold to go outside for some because the streets are emptier than i have ever seen, not to mention the smoke from almost every chimney on my block. When your on the top, being the 5th floor suite and the highest of floors in town, you see what normal people cant. their daily busy lives and the way they rarely communicate unless they have to. No one in this town talks, especially not when some one dies. Many mind their own business which suits me just fine, i dont find purpose in defining myself for others, while most are just too busy to chatter with neighbors when they have better things to do. Im sure that when its considered, anything can be more important than another person. if you dont know them than why should it hurt when they leave.

why should it hurt when they leave...

~Alex

my soul is tattered, im on my knees,
when i called for you, you answered me;
somewhere off so far away.

facing a cliff, restraints are buckling,
where are you now, im falling furthermore...

withering. im drifting away.
blistering. burning increases the longer that i stay.
troubling. my words have caused too much pain.
remembering. how it fucking feels...

in the palm of my hands i hold the only answer,
youve been searching, but you cant get to her.
trickling muddy water through my finger tips,
the question lingers here, shits getting thicker still.

and what do my eyes have to tell?
please listen to them, and not what i say.
when will this puzzle be filled,
i place another piece to watch it take the place of the corners...

~Alex